A blonde calls her boyfriend on the phone with a problem.
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's the picture of?" he asks.
"It's of a big rooster," she replies.
"All right," he says, "I'll come over and have a look."
When he arrives, she thanks him for coming over and leads him over to the kitchen table where she has it laid out.
He takes one look at what she's been struggling with and says, "Oh, for Pete's sake, put the cornflakes back in the box!"
Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.
Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a limousine? A: not everybody has been in a limo.
Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in? A: "Have another beer."
Q: why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car? A: cause she blows the horn!!!!!
2 drunk blondes are stumbling home one night. One of the girls has to take a piss and stumbles off into a field. After quite sometime the girl waiting goes looking for the other girl. She finds her jerking off a horse. When she asked her what she was doing, she replied, "Hang on I think I might be able to get us a ride home."
* She sent me a fax with a stamp on it. * She thought a quarterback was a refund. * She tripped over the cordless phone. * She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind. * She told someone to meet her at the corner of WALK and DON'T WALK * She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. * At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put Sagittarius * If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. * When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved. * Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her months to figure out she could use it at night. * What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? "Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!" * Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice? Because it said "concentrate" * Why can't blondes take coffee breaks? They're too hard to retrain. * What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring. * Why can't blondes be pharmacists? Because they can't fit the bottle in the typewriter. * What's the definition of eternity? 4 blondes at a 4-way stop * What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean? An air pocket. * What do you call a basement full of blondes? A whine cellar. * Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? "This goes in front"
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE. Startled the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino and began to cut another. Again from the heavens, the voice bellowed, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.
The blonde, now quite worried, moved down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.
She stopped, looked skyward and said, "Is that you Lord?" The voice replied, No ... this is the Ice-Rink Manager....
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A: To see what was on the other side.
These women all work in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they`d be right behind her. After all, she never called or came back, so how was she to know?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy happy happy to be home, but when she got to her bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS!!! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, at coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was with them.
"NO WAY," she exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday!"
After hours and hours of exhausting sex with a blonde, a man walks into his kitchen to get a drink. He fills his glass up with milk, when he looks down and realizes that his pecker is still really hot. So he sticks his pecker in the glass of milk to cool it down. Just as he does that the blonde walks in and says, "I always wondered how you refilled those things!"
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, >but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I`ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you`ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim and shoots, killing the alligator. With a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. >The shopkeeper watches in amazement.
Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it`s back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn`t wearing any shoes either!!"