Category: Blonde Jokes: Page 2
Hundreds of the funniest Blonde Jokes. Blonde Terminology, One Liner Blonde Joke, Seminars For Blondes and more..
Blonde Terminology !?? What a hell do Blondes REALLY mean!!!!
Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....? A: A blond doing cartwheels.
Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp? A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
Q: How do you know when a blond's been in your frige? A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!
Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common? A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
How did this happen? the emergency room doctor asked her.
Well, I was trying to commit suicide, the blonde replied.
What? sputtered the doctor. You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?
No, Silly! the blonde said. First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest.
So then? asked the doctor.
Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.
So then?
Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.
A brunette goes to see her doctor: "Doctor, I don't know what's wrong with me but I hurt all over." "What do you mean?" said the Doc. "Well, if I touch my shoulder here,
it hurts, and if I touch my leg here, it hurts, and if I touch my head here, it hurts, and if
I touch my foot here, it hurts." "Tell me," said the Doctor, "Do you dye your hair?"
"Yes," she said "I'm really a blonde." "I thought as much, you've broken your finger."
A blond, brunett, and red head are stranded on a island. when they stumble upon a lamp. the red head rubs it and a jeany comes out and says each of yu get one wish. The red head wishes she was home with her friends. The brunett wishes she was home with her friends. and the blonde says i really miss my friends i wish they were back here with me.
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds.
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. Why, that's amazing! the doctor says. Did you follow my instructions?
The blonde nods. I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day. From hunger, you mean? asked the doctor. No, from skipping!
A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action. The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, "Now, do you remember what the plan is?" The blonde sighed and replied, "Yeah, yeah, I remember..." The brunette went over the plan once more and let the blonde out to do her stuff.
Before the blonde could shut the door, the brunette yelled out, "Be sure to be in and out in no more than 5 minutes!" The blonde ran inside and the brunette waited in the car... and waited... and waited... and waited... and waited. After waiting for so long in the car, the blonde bursts out of the bank's doors, the alarm blaring loud enough to wake everyone up. The blonde was lugging a bank safe behind her by a rope tied around it. A security guard ran out of the bank, his pants down around his ankles and attempting to reach his gun. The blonde breathed heavily as she tried to put the safe in the car but finally jsut gave up and dropped the safe behind. She ran into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut, the car already moving. The security guard yelled, "Stop! Stop!" while the pair drove off, leaving the safe with rope tied tightly around it behind. The brunette frantically asked the blonde, "What the hell happened in there?!?" The blonde was panting and turned to the brunette and choked out, "What do you mean? I followed the plan exactly!"
The brunette paused and yelled, "YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TIE UP THE GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE!"
A blonde at a party, was telling her friend that she'd gone off men for life. They lie, they cheat, and they're just no good, she moaned. From now on when I want sex, I'm going to use my tried and tested plastic companion, she said.
What happens when the batteries run out? asked her friend.
That's simple, replied the blonde. I'll just fake an orgasm as usual!
