Category: Blonde Jokes: Page 3
Hundreds of the funniest Blonde Jokes. Blonde Terminology, One Liner Blonde Joke, Seminars For Blondes and more..
Blonde Terminology !?? What a hell do Blondes REALLY mean!!!!
A blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blond jokes, and of how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He rushes over and says, "Jeez, are you all right?" She slowly nods her head yes. What are you doing? he asks incredulously.
I wanted to prove that not all blonde women are dumb, she started, and I wanted to do it by painting the house. Well why do you have both a ski jacket and a fur coat on? he asked dumbfounded.
Well, she says, I was reading the directions on the paint can and it said: For best results, put on two coats.
A blond woman named Babbette found herself in dire trouble. Her business had gone bust and she was in serious financial concern. She was so desperate that she decided to ask God for help. She began to pray.
"God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto." Lotto night came and somebody else won. Babbette again prayed. "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house, and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night came and Babbette still had no luck. Once again she prayed "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Please just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order." Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as the heavens opened, and Babbette was confronted by the voice of God Himself. "Babbette, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket." A blond woman named Babbette found herself in dire trouble. Her business had gone bust and she was in serious financial concern. She was so desperate that she decided to ask God for help. She began to pray.
"God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto." Lotto night came and somebody else won. Babbette again prayed. "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house, and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night came and Babbette still had no luck. Once again she prayed "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Please just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order." Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as the heavens opened, and Babbette was confronted by the voice of God Himself. "Babbette, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket."
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead escaped from prison. They were running along when they came upon a dock. On the dock were three gunnysacks. They could hear the cops approaching, so the brunette suggested that they get in the sacks. So they got in the sacks right before the cops arrived. A cop kicked the sack with the redhead in it, and she said, "Ruff ruff ruff!" He said, "Oh, it's only a dog." He kicked the one with the brunette in it, and she said "Meow meow meow." He said, "Oh, it's only a cat." Then, he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and she said, "POTATOES POTATOES POTATOES!"
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't.
The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
Three blondes died and are at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. St Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.
St. Peter asks the first blonde, What is Easter?
The blonde replies, Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful.
Wrong!, replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question.
What is Easter?
The second blonde replies, Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus.
St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, What is Easter?
The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes. I know what Easter is.
Oh? says St. Peter incredulously.
Of course. Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus was ready to complete his ministry on earth and ate his last supper, the Passover meal, with his disciples. After that evening, he was betrayed and turned over to a Jewish mob by one of those disciples. After a show trial, the Romans tortured him, made him wear a crown of thorns, took him to be crucified and then he was hung on a cross with nails through his hands and feet. Finally, he was stabbed in the side to make sure he was dead. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by large boulder.
St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.
The third blonde continues, Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter.
Two blondes are waiting on a bus stop, when a bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside and asks the driver: "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?" The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm Sorry."
At this the other blonde leans inside, smiles and twitters: "Will it take ME?"
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has never had lessons or prior experience !! She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip !! She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves, and her head is struck against the ground again and again.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when.........
....the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off..
Q: santa claus, the tooth fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart Blonde are walking down thestreet when they spot a $10 Bill. Who picks it up?
A: the dumb blonde! Because, there is no such thing as santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or asmart blonde.
On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving. Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving." The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what to do about her.
The captain said, I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this. He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, Why didn't anyone just say so?
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. He said, I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York.
