Category: Little Johnny: Page 3
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Little Johnny got on a bus and sat down next to a man. He noticed that the man had a strange kind of shirt collar, so he asked him, "Excuse me, sir, but why do you have your shirt collar on backwards?"
The man smiled kindly and answered, "I wear this collar because I am a "Father."
Little Johnny thought a second and responded, "Sir,I have a father, but he wears his collar the other way around. Why do you wear your collar so differently?"
The priest thought for a minute, and said, "I am the Father for many."
Little Johnny quickly answered, "My father, too, is the father of many. He has four sons, four daughters and many grandchildren. But he wears his collar like everyone else does. Why do you wear yours backwards?"
The priest, flustered, said impatiently, "I am the Father for hundreds and hundreds of people."
Little Johnny sat silently for a long time. As he got up to leave the bus, he leaned over to the priest and said, "Mister, maybe you should wear your pants backwards?"
Little Johnny runs into the farm-house where his mom and grandma are shelling peas. Little Johnny runs in and yells, "Mom, mom, the bull's fucking the cow!!"
Grandma gasps and clutches her chest in horror!!! Mom drags little Johnny outside by the scruff of his neck and says, "Now listen here Johnny, you can't go around saying rude words like that!! You have to think up another word to use.........how about the bull is SURPRISING the cow??"
So little Johnny is a bit confused, but he shrugs and runs off outside to play again. Five minutes later he runs back inside and shouts, "Mom, mom the Bull is SURPRISING ALL the cows now!!!!"
Mom sighs and says to Johnny, "No Johnny, he can't be SURPRISING all the cows!"
"Yes he is!!!" ,yells little Johnny. "He's SURPRISING all the cows...... he's fucking the horse!!!"
When Little Johnny's family moved into a new double wide trailer one of their former neighbors dropped by.
Seeing Johnny out front, he asked, "So, how do you like your new place?"
"It's terrific," Little Johnny answered. "I have my own room, my brother has his own room, and my sister has her own room. But poor mom is still in with dad."
Little Johnny kept disrupting his third grade class by regularly letting loud farts.
His teacher kept him after school. When she insisted on knowing why he exhibited such offensive behavior, Little Johnny said, "I do it because I can do it better than anybody, and I'm very proud of that fact."
The teacher says, "If I show you I can do it better than you, will you stop?"
Little Johnny agreed and the teacher placed two pieces of paper on the floor with identical piles of chalk dust on each one. Johnny dropped his pants, squatted down, farted and blew all but a tiny little speck of dust off the paper.
The teacher dropped her panties, lifted her skirt, squatted down and farted, but when she was done there was not a trace of chalk dust left on the paper. Johnny was astonished and asked if he could see her do it again. She was willing and as she repeated the process, Johnny peeked up underneath her skirt.
"No wonder you won!" he exclaimed indignantly, "You've got a Double-Barrel!"
One day Little Johnny is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. "Whatcha doin?" he asks.
Little Johnny replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying him."
"That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor.
Little Johnny shouts back, "That's because he's inside your fucking cat!"
Lil' Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horses' legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Pop, why are you doing that?"
"Because I'm thinking of buying these horses."
Johnny looked worried, "Then I think we'd better hurry home right away!"
"Why?" his father asked.
"Because the mailman stopped by yesterday, and I think he wants to buy Mom!"
