Mrs. White asked her 4th grade class if they thought they were stupid and, if so, to please stand.
Little Jimmy stood up, alone.
Mrs. White said, "Jimmy, do you really think you're stupid?"
"No," Jimmy said. "But I didn't want you standing up there alone."
Little Johnny sees that his friend at school has a new watch so he asks him how he got it.
"I waited until I heard the bedsprings squeaking in my folk's bedroom and then I ran in. My father gave me a watch to get rid of me.",replied the little friend.
Little Johnny, thinking that this was a cool idea waited that night until he heard the bedsprings squeaking rhythmically and then ran into his folk's bedroom.
"What do you want!", asked the father gruffly.
"I want a watch!", said Johnny.
"Well sit down and shut up!", replied the father.
Little Johnny is sitting in class and his teacher is asking the children what they want to be when thay are grown up.
The teacher is looking around the room and sees little Johnny with his hand up but she dosen't want to pick him because he always makes dirty comments, so she asks Susie what she wants to be when she gets older.
Susie says, "I want to be a vegi grower ma'am." And the teacher asked why and she said, "Because it's good money."
Then she asks little Bob what he wanted to be and he said, "I want to grow corn miss." And the teacher asked him why and he said that his dad does it and he wants to do it as well.
The teacher doesn't want to ignore little Johnny anymore, so she asks little Johnny what he wanted to do when he grows up. And he said, "I want to grow pubic hair ma'am."
The teacher asked him why and little Johnny said, "My sister only has a little bit and she makes 500 dollars a week!!"
Little Johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher saying that Johnny was having trouble telling the difference between boys and girls, and would his mother please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this. So Johnny's mother takes him quietly by the hand upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.
"First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse",she said, so Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off. "O.K., now take off my skirt", and he takes off her skirt. "Now take off my bra", which he does.
"And now, Johnny, please take off my panties". Johnny finishes removing these too.
His mother then says, "Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school anymore!
Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of sex with his wife.
Johnny's father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed.
Little Johnny asked curiously, "Whatcha doing dad?"
His father quickly replied, "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed.
To which Little Johnny replied, "What ya gonna do, fuck him?"
Little Johnny came home from school one day slightly confused. His mother was Jewish and his father was black. So Johnny says, "Mom, am I more Jewish or more black?"
"What does it really matter? You'll just have to ask your father", his mother tells him. So Johnny's father gets home from work and Johnny asks the same question, "Dad, am I more Jewish or more black?" "What kind of a question is that, does it really matter? Why do you want to know if you're more Jewish or black?" asks his dad.
"Well, it's like this dad. Tommy down the street wants to sell his bicycle for $50, I don't know whether to Jew him down to $25, or wait till its dark and steal the fucker.
A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?"
Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!"
The teacher had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office.
While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed.
Johnny was brought in and the conditions are explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know.
The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Johnny can go to the third grade."
The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"
The principal and Johnny both agree.
The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Johnny, after a moment, "Legs."
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny replied, "Pockets."
Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Teacher: "What starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?"
Johnny: "Fire truck."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Johnny in the fifth grade, I missed the last four questions myself."
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for little Johnny to give his report, he walked to the front of the class and made a small white dot on the blackboard.
The teacher asked him what it was. "It's a period," replied Johnny.
"I can see that," said the teacher, "but how is that exciting?"
"I dunno," said Johnny, "but this morning when my sister said she missed one, Dad had a heart attack, Mom fainted, and the kid next door left town!"
The kindergarteners were now in the first grade. Their teacher wanted them to be more grown up since they were no longer in kindergarten. She told them to use grown up words instead of baby words. She then asked them to tell her what they did during the summer.
The first little one said, "I went to see my Nana."
The teacher said, "No, No, you went to see your grandmother. Use the grown up word."
The next little one said "I went for a trip on a choo-choo."
The teacher again said, "No, No, you went on a trip on a 'train.' That's the grown up word."
Then the teacher asked little Johnny what he did during the summer. Little Johnny proudly stated that he read a book. The teacher asked what book he had read.
Little Johnny puffed out his chest and in a very adult way replied, "Winnie the Shit."
Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father. "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said 6".