Category: Kids Jokes
Kids jokes have a shortness and simpleness about them that allow an individual at virtually any age to get a good laugh.
Kids jokes, animal jokes for kids, knock knock jokes, scary jokes, and more..
A primary school teacher in the Bronx decided to see if city kids knew what sounds farm animals made. She asked the kids to raise their hands if they knew the correct sounds.
"Who knows what sound a cow makes?" she asked.
Mary put her hand up and said, "Mooooo!"
"Very good," replied the teacher. "What sound does a sheep make?"
"Baaaa," answered Billy.
She continued this for a while. Then she asked, "What sound does a pig make?"
All the hands in the class went up. She was surprised at the response. She chose little Tyrone at the back of the class.
He stood up, took a deep breath, and screamed, "Up against the wall, mutha-fucka!"
A little black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. He puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at his mother and says "Look Momma.... I'm a white boy." His mother slaps him hard on the face and says "Boy go show your Daddy."
The boy goes into the living room and says "Look Daddy.. I'm a white boy." His Daddy slaps him on the face too and says "Boy, go show your grandmother."
"Look Granny...I'm a white boy." She slaps him on the face and sends him back to his mother.
His mother says "Well did you learn something from all this?"
The boy shakes his head and says " I sure nuff did... I've only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you fucking black people."
Little Tony wanted a shotgun more than anything else for his birthday. His father promises that if he scores straight A's in school, he'll buy him the shotgun. So he works hard and studies every night. At the end of the year, the report card comes in and Little Tony got straight A's, so his father makes good on the promise and buys him the shotgun.
Thrilled with his new toy, Little Tony goes around town showing it off to all his friends until he runs into Slippery Carlo.
"Hey Slippery Carlo!" says Tony, "Check out my new shotgun!"
"That's pretty nice," says Carlo. "But I got a new gold watch and it's worth a lot more money than that shotgun. But you're my friend, so I tell you what. I make you a trade... my watch for your shotgun."
Little Tony thinks for a second and agrees to the trade.
He takes his shiny watch home and shows it to his father, who shakes his head and says:
"Tony, Tony, Tony. One day you're gonna be a man. And you're gonna come home early from work. And you're gonna go upstairs. And you're bust into your bedroom and find your wife in bed with another man. Waddaya gonna do? Say, 'Aye! Time's up!'"
Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its penis, points to it and says, "Mommy, what is that long thing?"
His mother replies, "That, son, is the elephant's trunk."
"No, at the other end."
"That, son is the tail."
"No, mommy, the thing under the elephant."
A short embarrassed silence after which she replies, "That's nothing."
The mother goes to buy some ice-cream and the boy, not being satisfied with her answer, asks his father the same question.
"Daddy, what is that long thing?"
"That's the trunk, son," replies the father.
"No at the other end."
"Oh, that is the tail."
"No, no daddy, the thing below," asks the son in desperation.
"That is the elephants penis. Why do you ask son?"
"Well mommy said it was nothing," says the boy.
Replies the father: "I tell you, I spoil that woman!"
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I know"..he said 'Holy Shit! A talking pig!'"
It was that time during the Sunday morning service for "the children's sermon," and all the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said to her, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's hell to iron."
Little Johnny asked, "Mommy what's that between your legs?
She told him that was her squirrel. Later that day he was in the bathroom again while grandma was taking a shower and he asked, "Grandma what's that between your legs?"
She replied, "That's my squirrel."
Little Johnny said, "Mommy has one too, but hers is not as grey as yours."
Grandma replied, "Well, your mommy's squirrel hasn't cracked as many nuts as mine has!"
Tommy and Tiff are playing hide and seek...
"Ok Tommy, if you can find me in 30 seconds you can kiss me.
If you can find me in 20 seconds you can touch me anywhere.
If you can find me in 10 seconds you can fuck me however you want.
Now don't look and I'll go hide behind the fridge!"
