Category: Kids Jokes: Page 2
Kids jokes have a shortness and simpleness about them that allow an individual at virtually any age to get a good laugh.
Kids jokes, animal jokes for kids, knock knock jokes, scary jokes, and more..
Two children were in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl was softly sobbing.
"Why are you crying?" asked the little boy.
"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger," said the girl.
When he heard this, the little boy started to cry.
"Why are you crying?" asked the girl.
The boy looked at her worriedly and said, "I'm here for a urine test!"
The teacher advised the class to start the day with the Pledge of Allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..." When his eyes fell on Little Johnny, he noticed his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks.
"Little Johnny, I will not continue till you put your hand over your heart."
Little Johnny replied, "It is over my heart."
After several attempts to get Little Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?"
"Because, every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, 'Bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie."
A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee in bed. He had made it all by himself and was so proud. He waited eagerly to hear her verdict on the quality of the coffee.
The grandmother had truly never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee. The first few sips just about did her in, but she praised her grandson, told him it was wonderful, and drank it all anyway. As she forced down the last sip, she noticed three little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.
She asked, "Honey, why would three of your little army guys be in the bottom of my cup?"
Her grandson replied, "You know, grandma, itís like on TV: 'The best part of waking up... is soldiers in your cup.'"
A couple and their little 5-year old went to a pet shop to teach the little kid responsibility for caring for a pet. They decided on a little turtle because it would be easy to take care of.
The family returned the next day and showed the pet shop owner that the turtle had blisters on its stomach and shell. They exchanged the turtle and left.
The family returned again the next day, same problem. The pet shop owner was obviously concerned, so he exchanged the turtle and was talking to the parents about the proper care of turtles when they looked over at the child gripping the turtle by the sides and running the turtle on the ground and going "VROOM! VROOM!".
A father takes his 12 year old daughter to the gynecologist and tells the doctor he wants to put her on the pill.
During the examination the doctor asks, "why do you want your daughter on birth control, she's only 12 years old, is she sexually active?"
"No doc, Hell, she lays there just like her mother!!"
A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles.
All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, "Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you..."
A lovely little girl is entering class for the first time when a friendly little boy approaches her.
"My name's Ted," he says, "What's yours?"
"Happy Butt," the little girl replies.
"I'm going to tell the teacher on you for lying!" the boy shouts. He goes to the teacher and says that the little girl has lied to him about her name.
"What is your name?" asks the teacher.
"Happy Butt," says the little girl.
"No, no." the teacher says. "What is your real name?"
"Happy Butt," the little girl insists.
"Shame on you for lying," says the teacher. "You go straight to the principal's office right this minute!"
"Why are you here?" the principal asks.
"They think I'm lying when I tell them my name is Happy Butt," the little girl says.
"Your name can't be Happy Butt," the principal says. "I'm going to call your mother and straighten this out. You mustn't lie to us about your name."
The principal calls the mother and says, "We have your little girl here and she keeps telling us her name is 'Happy Butt.'"
"Oh," says the mother, "that's Gladys."
"Little girl," the principal says, "your mother says your name is Gladys."
The little girl says, "Happy Butt, Glad Ass, what's the difference?"
The daycare teacher holds up a picture and asks, "What's this?"
"A horse," one child answers.
"And this?" the teacher asks.
"A piggy." replies another youngster.
"And now this one?" asks the teacher, holding up a picture of a male deer with a beautiful rack of antlers. There was no answer, only total silence.
"Come now, children," she coaxes. "I'll give you a little hint. What does your Mommy call your Daddy when he hugs and kisses her a lot?"
"I know! I know!" exclaims one little girl.
"It's a horny bastard!"
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't, dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: