Category: Kids Jokes: Page 3
Kids jokes have a shortness and simpleness about them that allow an individual at virtually any age to get a good laugh.
Kids jokes, animal jokes for kids, knock knock jokes, scary jokes, and more..
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package."
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy.
He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March..."
One day at kindergarten a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $2 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick."
The teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct."
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew."
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right neither."
Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Marvin, come up here and I'll give you the $2."
As the teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said, "You know Marvin, you being Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ."
Marvin replied, "Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business..."
There was a little boy who loved to dress up like a cowboy and pretend that he was one. His mother gave him some money one day to go to the local soda fountain and buy a sundae.
As the little boy ordered the sundae, the waitress asked him, "Do you want one scoop or two?"
The little boy said, "Two, please."
Then the waitress asked, "Do you want chocolate sauce?"
The little boy replied, "Yes, please".
Then the waitress asked the little boy, "Do you want your nuts crushed?"
The little boy pulled his gun out and pointed it at the waitress and said, "Do you want your tits shot off?"
A rancher was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his four-year-old son standing at the fence, wide-eyed and soaking in the whole event.
The rancher thought to himself: "Great, now I'm gonna have to start explaining sex. Well, no need to jump the gun. I'll just let him ask the questions and I'll answer as best I can."
After everything was over, the rancher walked over to his son and said, "Well, son, do you have any questions?"
"Just one," gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit the cow?"
There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence.
One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy.
The bucket was so full, several rolled out towards the fence.
Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy.
As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery.
He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you."
He knew what it was.
"Oh, my goodness!" he shuddered, "It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery!"
He cycled down the road and found an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come quick!" he said, "You won't believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls."
The old man said, "Shoo, you brat! Can't you see I'm finding it hard to walk as it is!"
After several pleas, the man hobbled to the cemetery and heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one..."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth! Let's see if we can see the Devil himself."
Shivering with fear, they edged toward the fence, still unable to see anything, but they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That's all.
Now, let's go get those nuts by the fence, and we'll be done."
They say the old guy made it to town 10 minutes before the boy!
Tommy's father died in a tragical construction accident. At the court, the judge asks tommy what were his father's last words.
Tommy replies:
"He said, 'You stupid fuck, stop kicking the ladde.... aaaaaa!'"
Little Johnny and his grandmother were shopping in a department store. Little Johnny wanted to go to the toy department, but grandmother said that they had to stop in the ladies clothing department first.
Little Johnny obviously couldn't wait that long, and the next time his grandmother turned around he was gone. She panicked and looked everywhere for him, but he had disappeared.
Finally she went to the customer service desk, intending to have them announce his name over the PA system. To her relief he was already there waiting for her.
The woman at the desk said, "He wanted us to announce your name over the PA system, but he didn't' know what your name was. We asked him what his daddy called you, and he replied 'mom', next we asked him what Grandpa called you and he replied 'sugar'. We were almost out of questions for him when another lady suggested that your daughter-in-law might call you by your first name."
"We were so happy to see you show up at the desk," she continued, "because when we asked him what his mommy called you, we were out of ideas!"
"Well," asked Little Johnny's grandmother curiously, "What did he say?"
"He said," she replied, "that his mother called you 'A BITCH'!"
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!"
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries.
The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.
"What are you doing," his mother asked?
"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
