Category: Religious: Page 3
Here we have funny Priest Jokes, Nun Jokes and Heaven Jokes. Don't been offended... they're just for entertainment.
Convert to our outrageous religious jokes: God, Pope, Jewish, Christianity, Priests, Nuns, Catholic, Heaven and more.
Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money in the hat held by the man with the cross. Soon the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the star of David is empty.
A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the man with the Star of David and says: "Young man. Don't you realize that this is a Catholic country? You'll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David."
The man with the Star of David turns to the man with the cross and says: "Moishe, can you imagine, this guy is trying to tell us how to run our business?"
Sitting behind a couple of nuns at the football game, three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort, to get them to move.
In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, there are only 100 Catholics living there..."
The second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 Catholics living there..."
The third guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Idaho, there are only 25 Catholics living there..."
One of the nuns turned around, and looked at the men, and calmly said, "Why don't you go to hell, there aren't any Catholics there."
A doctor dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates and checks him in. After he's registered, St. Peter says to him, "Look at the time: you must be hungry! Heaven Cafeteria is serving lunch, why don't you get yourself something to eat?"
The doctor goes to the cafeteria and notices the long line. He immediately cuts in at the front, only to hear loud protests. "I'm a doctor" he says, "I'm a busy man, I don't have time to wait in line."
The others say, "You're in heaven now, we're all the same here, get to the back of the line and wait your turn!"
A few weeks later, waiting patiently on line for lunch, the doctor notices a man come dashing in wearing scrubs and a lab coat, stethoscope around his neck. He butts in at the head of the line and no one utters a peep.
"Hey," he says to the guy in front of him, "Who does that guy think he is?"
"Oh, that's God," says the guy, "He likes to play doctor."
A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest put down his book and opened a conversation by saying, "I know that in your religion you're not supposed to eat pork, but have you really never even tasted it?"
The rabbi closed his newspaper and responded, "I must tell you the truth. Yes I have, on the odd occasion."
The rabbi had his turn for interrogation. He asked, "I know that in your religion, you're supposed to be celibate, but..."
The priest interjected, "Yes, I know what you are going to ask, and yes, I have succumbed to temptation once or twice."
The two resumed their reading. There was silence for a while.
Then the rabbi peeked around his newspaper and said, "Better than pork, isn't it!"
Two little boys are looking for a way to cool off on a hot summer day. Dad won't let them play in the sprinkler because he's mowing the lawn, so the boys set out to find a way to get wet and cool without getting into trouble.
They sit on the curb brainstorming when suddenly one of them jumps up and says, "I know, lets go get baptized!"
Well, both boys have seen enough to know that you can get wet at a baptism, so they trot down to the church on the corner and tell the pastor they want to get baptized. The irritated pastor finally relents after about 10 minutes of begging. He finally drags the boys to the men's room and dunks them both head first into the toilet, then sends them on their way.
The boys sit on the curb, slightly disappointed with the whole adventure, when one of them asks the other, "What religion are we now?"
"I don't know," replies the other. "If we were Baptists, he would have filled up the big tub and dunked our whole body like he did for uncle Jim; and if we were Catholic, he would have poured it on our heads from a pitcher."
They sat and thought about it for a while longer when the first one said in a small voice, "Since he stuck our head in the toilet, I think that it means that we're 'piss-ca-pa-lians!"
One day as the water of the mighty Mississippi River rose a man and his son were forced to retreat to thier rooftop. While there a neighbor passed by in a row boat and shouted, "Come with me I'll take you to higher ground."
The man politely refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will save me."
Two hours later as the water continued to rise another neighbor passed in a rubber raft, offering to take them to higher ground.
Again he refused saying, "I have faith in the lord,he will save me."
Four hours passed and as the man and his son clung to the chimmeny, trying to avoid the rising water a Coast Guard helicopter hovered overhead and threw down a ladder, "Climb up so we can take you to higher ground!" he heard them say.
Again he refused saying, "I have faith in the lord he will save me!"
Well no one else came and they met thier fate. Standing before God,the man said, "Lord I believed in you, my faith was strong and unwaivering and you let us drown!"
Looking at him God replied, "I sent a boat, a raft, and a helicopter, what more did you want from me!"
Luke 10:19 "i have given you power to tread upon snakes and scorpions and they shall not hurt you".... There was this prayer warrior who was returning from a prayer conference with his daugther in the nigth and as they walked futher,he matched on a snake and was bitten,rushed to the clinic for treatment but the doctor was suprised,challenging his faith why a prayer warrior was bitten by a snake but the daugther shouted in rebuke telling the doctor she knew the cause that her father only matched on the snake leaving the scorpion behind,so the scripture was broken.