Category: Work place Jokes: Page 2
We have everything from Doctor Jokes to Cop Jokes to Accountant Jokes and more.
Old accountants never die. They just lose their balance.
The huge Air Canada Jumbo jet is just coming into Pearson Airport (Toronto) on its final approach. The pilot comes on over the intercom. "This is Capt. Johnson, we're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and enjoy your stay in Toronto".
Well the Capt. forgets to switch off the intercom. The whole plane can now hear the conversation from the cockpit.
The co-pilot says to the pilot "Well skipper, wotcha gonna do in Toronto?"
Now all ears in the plane are listening in to this conversation.
"Well", says the skipper, "First I'm gonna check into the hotel and go for a mega-huge dump. Then I'm gonna take that new stewardess out for supper, you know, the one with the huge tits. I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and slip the old salami to her all night".
Well, everyone in the plane's trying to get a look at the new stewardess. She's so embarrassed she runs from the back of the plane to try and get to the cockpit to get the intercom off.
Half way down, she trips over an old ladies handbag - and down she goes.
The old lady leans over and says, "No need to run dearie, he's got to go for a shit first!"
Young Boudreaux applied for an engineering job way, way up north in Shreveport. A local man applied for the same job and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one question. The manager went up to Boudreaux and said "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the local man the job." Boudreaux said "Why you gonna be doin dat sir, we both got 9 questions right?"
The manager said, "We made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one you missed."
Boudreaux asked "An jus how da heck would one incorrect answer be mo betta dan da otter?"
The manager replied, "Simple, the local man put down on question #5, 'I don't know,' you put down, 'neither do I.'
A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water.
"That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?"
"Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat."
As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.
"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep."
From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!"
The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants -- one of which would get the job.
The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid.
Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him.
He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know.
Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education."
Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?"
"Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale."
"That's very good ... excellent. You're hired!"
"Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?"
Jim answered "I don't care... Yim... or Mr. Yonson."
When Joe's wife ran away he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, "Life isn't worth living."
"Don't be stupid, Joe," said the psychiatrist. "Let work be your salvation. I want you to totally submerge yourself in your work. Now, do you do for a living?"
"I clean out septic tanks." Joe replied.
A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger. The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "One burger!"
Whereupon the chef grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the grill.
"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," the old lady says.
"Yeah?" says the counterman. "You should be here in the morning when he makes the doughnuts."
The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager screwing his secretary.
He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?"
The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge."
A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEO (Chief Executive Officer) standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
