Category: Deep Thoughts: Page 2
Why do noses run and feet smell !? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food !?! Find out here..
If everything is shipped in newspapers, then what are newspapers shipped in?
How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
What would a chair look like, if your knees bent the other way?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Sometimes, when you cry, no one sees your tears.
Sometimes, when you are happy, no one sees your smile.
Sometimes I feel so inept. Like when there's a baseball player who's worth $250 million, and I can't remember his or her name. Visa is everywhere you want to be, except out of debt. It's better to be poor than to be rich. The rich always have to fear becoming poor, but the poor never have to fear becoming rich. Nothing is impossible if you don't have to do it yourself. How about a constitutional amendment that declares anything said in a campaign commercial to be under oath? Could it be that the people who have nothing to say are the ones we should listen to? You'll be happy to know that so far, the best name my spell checker has come up with is Calista Fartworth. You never get tired if you rest a lot in advance. Real courage is a willingness to attack raw oysters in public. It's hard to relate to this high-tech world when your kid says her Lego Toys need more memory. Every day in every way, I was getting worse and worse until I stopped trying to be myself.
"A man like him is hard to find." "It seemed his career was just taking off."
For the office drunk:
"I feel his real talent is wasted here." "We generally found him loaded with work to do."
For an employee with no ambition:
"He could not care less about the number of hours he had to put in." "You would indeed be fortunate to get this person to work for you." "He consistently achieves the standards he sets for himself."
For an employee who is so unproductive that the job is better left unfilled:
"I can assure you that no person would be better for the job."
For an employee who is not worth further consideration as a job candidate:
"I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment." "All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him too highly."
Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?
Why is the alphabet in that order?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Why do scientist call it "re"search when they are looking for something new?
What hair color do they put on the drivers license of bald men?
Why do banks charge a "Non Sufficient Funds Fee" on money they already know you don't have?
